Tuesday, September 15, 2015

To My Babies

  As I sit here with my nose in the computer, just after getting my nose out of my phone, I know that I am not being what you need right now.  I look around at the mess on the floor and I know I am not being who he needs right now either. And it breaks my heart.  But here's the thing. I'm trying to get back to you. To him.  I'm trying to escape the confines of this strange bubble I have found myself encased in.  A bubble that keeps me prisoner to myself. Watching. Waiting.

I didn't want you to learn about the broken world through my broken self, but here we are.  And I am sorry.  I ache for you, and want to run away to save you from me all at the same time, but I know that will only cause more wounds and brokenness. 

Today you saw ugliness I never wished for you to see. I don't really know who is to blame. All I knew to do was to tell you it would be ok. And it's not your fault. And it's ok to be scared.

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