Thursday, April 19, 2018

Better

When I ask myself why I don’t try harder to get better, I think I realize I don’t deserve to get better. I am still just waiting to die. I am really struggling today. Not to stay alive but to not hurt myself and to not just stay in bed.

Friday, April 13, 2018

The Moon

The Moon told me that he would shine
If I would lift my eyes.
They rose up liquid, pulled
as if they were the tide.

He held my gaze until the morn
when the lemon Sun stepped in.
Still I felt the lingering soft
of his silver on my skin.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Choices

None can help 
This mind of mine
The pieces are
Too shattered
And sharp.
None can take
In all of me
The weight 
I carry is
Just too much.
And so I choose
Life or death?
Solitude and 
Fortitude 
And strength
I haven’t got,
Or death and 
Destruction
Of family
And faith
And soon 
To be forgot.


Thursday, February 8, 2018

Bones


The stillness of my bones
does not betray
the chaos in my mind
that will not go away

I am frozen here alone
while battles rage inside
voices call me out
in waves like highest tides

None have time for this
All busy on their own
And so I sit and listen
to the voices that I own.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Puzzles

We are puzzles pieced together
Through colorful histories
And varied weather.
So many mysteries entwine
to differentiate yours
and mine
and yet
I hide the patterns
of my pieces for fear
that my mosaic will be
all too clear
and you will think you know
me
Just by what you see.

Like Syl

Tears glisten
On her face
now still;
The struggle over now.
She stayed so long
Already
But the time has come
For peace
For quiet
For the churning voices
To have their way.
For silence to overtake
the chaos that lived
Inside her eyes
Now still.

Rise above?

The bracelet on my wrist says Rise Above
But why? And how?
The tattoo on my arm says
My story isn't over.
But when can it be? I'm so tired
You see.

600 friends of Facebook
And no one to come to.
600 profiles waiting
But not to hear from me
Who can I talk to?
I'm so alone I can't breathe.

Voices in my head chime in
You are broken, not for keeps
They jab and poke and hate me
And never do they sleep.
Why won't they leave me?
Why can't I be free

I just want to sleep forever
To say all my goodbyes you see
I don't want you to hate me
But I am just too weak
I can't even kill myself
So here sit and cry and plead.