Monday, December 20, 2010

No Shame

12 years ago I joined the ranks of those who are often called "survivors." I accept and also hate that term, however it is better than "victim." I am not a victim. I have kept my story quiet for many reasons, one being that I don't want to feel the need to validate myself and my claims. Two being that I was abused as a child, and felt that no one would ever believe that one person would be so "unlucky." I knew I wouldn't be believed. But did you know, those who are victimized as children are much more likely to be victimized again and even again? Bet that's something you didn't know! Neither did I! But that knowledge can and should be out there! I felt so relieved when i found out it wasn't just me! I want other people to know that they are not alone.

So why talk about it now? Simple! I truly feel that God has laid it on my heart to work towards assisting other victims in ridding themselves of the shame that encumbers those of us who have experienced rape, sexual assault, and abuse.  I don't know how it will play out long term, but I envision opening and running a facility similar to RAAP in Denver.

Also, I suddenly felt that one of the best ways to shrug off shame is to open your mouth and be honest!  These events no longer rule my life and thoughts. They no longer haunt my every day and night. They have certainly been a part of shaping me, but they do not define me.  I am a happily married, perfectly functional wife and mother! I do not need support, looks of pity, or to air my hurts, heck, I no longer even care if my story is believed or not!  I am not a mess that needs to be cleaned up, but I no longer care to hide the stains!  

Thank you for hanging in there while I jumped up on my soapbox- I will now step down.  This is me, it's who I am, and I am not ashamed! -and neither should you be, for I know that I am not alone...

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