These hands

The knowledge that more than likely, I will die by these hands someday...

Wall

You are a brick wall.
I throw arrows out of desperation,
In love and hate.
But they bounce off and
Stab me instead.

Holes

Empty holes

All here inside

Tears are bound

To burst me wide.

Why can’t I find

My way with friends

And trust their love

Won’t quickly end?

So much fear

And shame in me

I feel like all

Around can see.

I hide in shadow

From all who care

I don’t know how

To meet them there.

Empty holes

All here inside

The pain and fear

Will burst me wide.

Beneath the stars

Star light,

Star bright, 

how I wish

For peace tonight.

My heart is broken

Things seem dark

But in the sky

I see God’s Mark.

I wish I may

I wish I might

Find the strength

To stay tonight.

Better

When I ask myself why I don’t try harder to get better, I think I realize I don’t deserve to get better. I am still just waiting to die. I am really struggling today. Not to stay alive but to not hurt myself and to not just stay in bed.

The Moon

The Moon told me that he would shine
If I would lift my eyes.
They rose up liquid, pulled
as if they were the tide.

He held my gaze until the morn
when the lemon Sun stepped in.
Still I felt the lingering soft
of his silver on my skin.

Choices

None can help 

This mind of mine

The pieces are

Too shattered

And sharp.

None can take

In all of me

The weight 

I carry is

Just too much.

And so I choose

Life or death?

Solitude and 

Fortitude 

And strength

I haven’t got,

Or death and 

Destruction

Of family

And faith

And soon 

To be forgot.