Dear Liz

I have decided I need to have enough respect for myself to let the thought of becoming "friends" with you go. You may be sweet as hell to my face, but you still fucked my ex on a bed I still had to sleep in, even after knowing how much it upset me. Left your thong on my bookshelf, fucked in my bathtub as I had the pleasure of hearing all about from Dan. You may be nice to my face, but you didn't care enough to not continue hurting me. And I understand now that I don't need or want you to like me. I deserve to be treated better than that. Better than Dan treated me for 14 years, and I want no part of anything different. Dan may have you fooled now, but he is not a nice man. It will sneak up on you little by little as he snuffs out your light. Good luck with that.

These hands

The knowledge that more than likely, I will die by these hands someday...

Wall

You are a brick wall.
I throw arrows out of desperation,
In love and hate.
But they bounce off and
Stab me instead.

Holes

Empty holes

All here inside

Tears are bound

To burst me wide.

Why can’t I find

My way with friends

And trust their love

Won’t quickly end?

So much fear

And shame in me

I feel like all

Around can see.

I hide in shadow

From all who care

I don’t know how

To meet them there.

Empty holes

All here inside

The pain and fear

Will burst me wide.

Beneath the stars

Star light,

Star bright, 

how I wish

For peace tonight.

My heart is broken

Things seem dark

But in the sky

I see God’s Mark.

I wish I may

I wish I might

Find the strength

To stay tonight.

Better

When I ask myself why I don’t try harder to get better, I think I realize I don’t deserve to get better. I am still just waiting to die. I am really struggling today. Not to stay alive but to not hurt myself and to not just stay in bed.

The Moon

The Moon told me that he would shine
If I would lift my eyes.
They rose up liquid, pulled
as if they were the tide.

He held my gaze until the morn
when the lemon Sun stepped in.
Still I felt the lingering soft
of his silver on my skin.